Dear People who love running/working out and who wax enthusiastic about how amazing it feels:
I am officially convinced that you are a) on steroids, b) on amphetamines, c) were dropped on your heads as babies, d) lying, e) any combination of the above. Be honest. It sucks, doesn't it? Your secret's safe with me (and the blogosphere). Kisses, Holly
Anyway, today. Day Two of however long I survive this.
The Goal:
Run or run-walk 25 minutes. (*Please note, I don't know if "run-walk" means a very speedy walk or a pattern of alternating running and walking).
The Reality:
My legs and rear are annoyingly sore from yesterday's "strength training" exploits, and as there was no way in Hell I was going to be able to run for 25 minutes, I opted for the run-walk option, which consisted of about five minutes total of me running for very short bursts in the midst of walking at a faster-than-moderate, but not power walking pace. I did this for 35 minutes rather than 25, not because I thought it would be best to put in the extra time, but because I was 10 minutes from home once I hit the 25 minute mark, so I kind of had to get there anyway.
Since I'm an out of shape lout, it wasn't long before I was wheezing like a jalopy and getting kind of queasy. Were I one of those "push it" schmucks, I might have run till I puked, then kept going, but seeing as how I have a brain in my skull, I did not do this. Instead, those were the times I would slow down to a brisk walk for a while before picking up speed again.
Toward the end, I tried to do some moves called "knee hugs" (raise up the knees as you walk) and "butt kicks" (bring the heels to the behind), but my legs were so floppy, they just kept on slamming haphazardly about. I'm fairly certain I must have looked, to those around me, like someone with tertiary syphilis or a heroin addiction, so I opted to just walk like a normal human being instead.
Also, who are we kidding? I've seen people do stuff like that in public and it looks really douchey. My apologies. I promise not to do shit like that again. It's akin to jogging in place at a stoplight. Again, sorry.
Oh, also, even after showering, my cheeks are still bright red. I look ridiculous, almost foppish. And it's a shame, because today was actually a pretty cute day. Guess that's shot.
Today's Suck:
Well, it was another vending machine happy day (peanut butter crackers, sun chips, pretzels). And once again, I didn't count my Weight Watcher's points. I really should do that, seeing as how I pay the company money to have access to their online stuff. I must learn to do something about my snacking habits. I'm a grazer, and I'm orally fixated, which means I constantly put things in my mouth (yeah, I know, insert blow job joke here). So I think I have to start keeping lots of snacks of all different tastes and textures in my desk, so at least I can control what my options are. Anyone have any good suggestions?
Today's Success:
I didn't leave the office until 8:15 p.m. The fact that I came home and actually went out run-walking at all rather than watching youtube videos with a bowl of cereal is a success, damn it.
Holly, although I have been known to throw around the "LOL"s as much as the next person, this blog post literally made me laugh out loud. You're lucky I wasn't in the same room as my snoozing son or you would be in BIG trouble.
ReplyDeleteSnack ideas: raisins-in-boxes, almonds, real-fruit gummi candies, some form of whole-grain cracker, rice cakes (I'm trying to go for shelf-stable here).